Day two of abstinence from food.
16:00 - and two food packs (200 calories) eaten. Not particularly hungry but thought it was probably a good idea to eat something.
Yesterday saw only the 400 hundred calories of my food packs pass my lips (along with the gallon of water, of course).
Body shocked as it complained with hunger pangs, weakness & dizziness at the minimal intake after months of limitless consumption.
My mind is okay with it, though. We've been here before and now it reacts with an almost weary recognition of 'ho-hum - here we go again, then'.
As the residue of months of alcohol and food abuse start to leave my system, I already find my thinking starting to become clearer and the glimmer of an ember of self-esteem re-appear, ready to be fanned into life.
Earlier on today, decided to drink lot's of strong PG tips (black of course) as an echo of a normal breakfast experience. This was a really bad idea on an empty stomach. My body revolted at the intake of the bitter tannin fluid which resulted in a nasty spell of vomiting. I laughed with Maria that maybe this was sympathy sickness for the puking that she was doing this morning following a night of heavy drinking. Typically, Maria caning the booze when I am worried that there is so much to be done and our backs are against the wall would rouse my desire to overeat as a way of self-medicating away my tacit resentment. My abstinence has held firm however, and gives me the opportunity to be objective about my choice of response and, instead of resentment, I resolve to be honest and discuss my concerns dispassionately, again (this is a fairly recurring theme).
Cooked bacon & poached eggs for everyone this morning. Despite the deliciousness of how it looked and smelled, it didn't feel hard to resist popping a mouthful and felt pleasure in being able to look after others. One of the benefits of abstinence is to be freer from the obsession & preoccupation with food in order to be more present with other and support/look after them.
Ketosis should set in soon. That's when the drama of ultra-rapid weight-loss will kick-in.
More than words can say, I empathise with all my heart body and soul dear dear person. I am WAVING and CHEERING you on from the sidelines, yes yes yes. You humble magnificent warrior... not worrier, nevermore :) REMEMBER to breathe. Remember you are allowed to slow your tempo, speak less, eat less, listen more. I have a small tip, by the way. I recently got a very beautiful lip piercing, this means I must eat slower, and am aware in a quiet and aesthetic way of what I put in my mouth, and indeed why. Two kilos in one week, just from slowing down. all love to you.
ReplyDeleteDear Kate, thank you for your kind and supportive comment. I agree that a tempo-reduction, speech-limiting and listening-increase approach is a very wise one indeed.
ReplyDeleteThe mindfulness/dignity during eating that has been brought about as a result of your piercing sounds very helpful too (congratulations also for the benefit that it has resulted in!). Much love to you also for your kindness, thought & energy. I am rooting from the sidelines for your happiness, also.
pretentious crap
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